Man, too bad he can't vote at the Emmys. Oh, and ladies? He's single.

So, I have this friend. When I say things like "this friend" what I usually mean is that I have a friend of a friend or that you know, he's not my friend.

He's always complaining about movies and television shows that represent things that could happen in real life. He thinks they exploit the tragedies that real people go through. I'm not talking about biographies or reality TV. It's drama. He doesn't think it's fair, for example, to depict war in a movie, since war is real and actual people die in a war, and don't go back to their trailer after being fake shot. He extends this philosophy to the furthest reaches of drama though, by spouting off against things like car chases, fist-fights, divorce and abuse. All of these things are things that are done by real people, so it's offensive to use them for entertainment purposes.

And I'm a fiction guy. Fake it up kids. Load the squibs, fire the blanks, get the stunt drivers, stuff the bras, whatever it takes. Suspension of disbelief is my bread and butter. I mean, come on, how much money have I spent on Bruce Willis over the years?

And if you're wondering, What's he do all day, just sit around and watch Cops? The answer is yes.

And so this guy asks me why there aren't any good shows on anymore. I tried to think of what I consider good that he wouldn't shoot down. Something tells me that The Office (real people have boring jobs!) and The Sopranos (the mafia is full of bad people! Who kill! And eat pasta!)would not fly. So, I suggested Veronica Mars. Surely Nancy Drew does Twin Peaks would appeal to anyone. I thought maybe the high school setting would distract him from the more grown-up themes, and by the time he was sucked into the mystery, he'd forget that people were raping and comitting suicide and I dunno, spreading rumors or something other awful.

But he liked it. In fact, he watched the entire first season in just a few days. He said to me, "You know, I can't believe how much I liked that show."

"Yeah, it's pretty smart. It's better than people expect."

"And that girl is good."

"Yeah, she's pretty cool."

"No, I mean the real one. The actor. She does a good job."

"Yeah. I like her."

"I never saw a girl that I thought was a good actor before."

"Really?"

"Not one like that. One that's young and blond and skinny and cute. She had a good way of saying her words. I don't know what it's called. She's not just memorizing her words."

"No. She's a good actor."

"What's that called though?"

"Her...delivery?"

"Yeah. She's got good delivery. Small tits though."

Maybe I should have gone with Murder She Wrote. That Angela Lansbury is stacked.