I, on the Other Hand, was Unable to Make Marching Cool

It's pretty easy to make my day lately. For example, last night, I ate vegetarian Hamburger Helper, and then watched American Idol on the couch with the dog. So we've established that the bar is not set very high. You could just sort of step over it. You wouldn't have to do any kind of running start or backwards bending of any kind. You wouldn't have to worry that you didn't have a coach or special tiny socks.

This soccer mom type was in Best Buy today, and sometimes I just need to know what those people are buying. I gotta get in their heads a little.

Before I continue, let me say that soccer moms? I got no problem with soccer moms. Somebody's gotta yell at refs and buy juice boxes and drive those DVD player vans.

So, not judging her, but just following to check out the purchase. I was returning One Tree Hill season 2, which I had bought for a friend, which I had apparently bought for the same friend once before, so I'm in no position to call anyone to the carpet for questionable purchases.

She picked up the first Kanye West CD. I wanted so badly to tell her that she had probably been sent for the second Kayne West CD, but that's not how we learn now is it? Before I could see what was next, her phone rang. You already know her ringtone was Sting, right? Well it was, and that's her business. Phone rings are abrupt sometimes. Can't just shock yourself like that. You have to ease into phone calls, and When We Dance is like one of those little plastic shoe spoons. Just step down and...there you go. See, that's not so bad. How's it feel? Toes at the end? Gotta leave room, you know.

Her call was from another mom; they were discussing homeschooling. "My" mom said "Well, he says he wants to study quantum mechanics. I don't know. No, I have no idea. He said it's not engineering, really. I'm going to try to find a used textbook at a college, so I can figure out how to teach it. If he decides he wants to be a quantum mechanic, we need to learn as much as possible."

Seriously? I mean, homeschooling can be a noble endeavor, but come on. Is there even such a thing as a quantum mechanic? Is that what the job is called?

Poor kid. She's just rubbing it in with the Kayne West music. The one guy who made it cool to want to be in the marching band is gonna be listened to by the one kid who can't be in the marching band. I'm sure she's a great teacher, but what you wanna bet mom's got The View on during study hall?