666, Magic Beans, the Usual.

You know how in the desert it's sweltering and deadly during the day, but then at night, it's all cold and dark and you have to sleep with your arms inside your t-shirt and try and huddle as close to the fire of cactus tines as possible? When you wake up in the morning, your throat might feel like mine does today. I don't have any other symptoms, but the voice is gone, and ow. Also, ow. I answered the phone, and let's all pretend I sounded like Clint Eastwood, okay? Even though the person on the other end was obviously fighting an urge to say, "Millhouse? Is that you?"

It's my day off, and I don't like my job enough to work sick, so I was off to Walgreens for supplies.

First of all, they were playing the new Strokes album. Seriously Walgreens? It just came out yesterday. You guys are on top of things.

In the cold and flu aisle, I saw a product called 666 Cold Preparation. I did not purchase this product, but I wrote the name down so I'd remember to tell you.

I picked up some Cold-eze, some Lemon Zinger (which should not be used in conjunction with the Cold-eze, but let's see what happens) and a double-ended Sharpie, because, come on, two pens in one.

And then I saw it. In the candy aisle. Sport Beans. They're made by Jelly Belly, they're bright Amp green, and they contain all the herbs, sugar and caffeine of your various delicious energy beverages with which I have become so friendly of late.

Caffeinated. Jelly Beans. You, reader, might have read the label and chuckled to yourself. Maybe rolled your eyes. Maybe even bought one on a lark. I bought four packs. I'm already kicking myself for not just getting the whole case.

At the check-out, my cashier was equally intrigued. She said she might start eating those now that she's back in school. And then she said "Did you know I'm back in school? You probably already heard that." I tried to play it off like good for her, even though I'd never seen her in my life. I suppose it's the least she could expect, since she didn't mention the "666 Cold Prep" written on my hand.