2006

I resolve:

I'm gonna play drums at least once this year.

And I'm gonna film myself jumping over something on my eighth-grade Freddy Krueger skateboard, and then send it to everybody I know.

I'm going to learn to do a handstand or one of those backbends where you can stand back up again and everybody's all "nuh-uh!"

See that thing over there? I'm gonna lift that straight over my head.

I'm gonna get huge Popeye muscles and cover them with Hula Girl tattoos.

I will ignore headlines containing the names Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson and Donald Trump.

I will clean and organize my computer desk and bedroom at least to the point that they no longer appear inhabited by a crazy person.

I will no longer sleep during the day like the girl in Prozac Nation.

I will no longer make references to books I haven't read.

I will eat all the candy I fucking want to eat. Cause I don't smoke, that's why. And because candy is awesome.

And I'll read more comic books. Yes, even more.

Flossing? Screw you, flossing.

Bedmaking? Nope.

Trying to see both sides of arguments? Nah.

Listening intently when spoken to, instead of just waiting for my turn to speak? That's probably a really good one. Let's all try that one. Well, you guys can. In the meantime, something crazy happened to me five minutes ago, and you gotta hear it.

I'll suppress my reflexive eye-rolling upon hearing faux self-annointed hipsters dismiss pop music, sitcoms or junk food. I don't care if Mandy Moore was a teen star; she rocks the house in Saved! and Entourage and we should all allow ourselves to find this sort of thing out.

When someone is a jackass in the name of politics, and they're all punditing and blow-harding and name-calling, I'll try to remember that it's not really their politics: they probably actually are jackasses.

I resolve to break it down.

To rock the mic right

And I'll write more than just blogs.

Oh, and I'll write more blogs.

Happy New Year.