Tomorrow? Lemonhead.

You guys keeping asking me, "Man, how you stay so happy? It’s like you’re constantly surfing a wave of dreams come true! I want some of that! Charge me whatever you want, so I can be happy like you." Fine, fine. Here you go:

Candy Pocket.

Here’s the deal, about Candy Pocket. You can’t just go putting whatever candy you want in there. It can’t be loose peanut butter cups, or a cookie or something. Think of Candy Pocket like you would your Halloween treat bag. You don’t wanna reach in there and get your hand all gross. My advice is something smooth and dry like Hot Tamales or jelly beans (today was Mike-n-Ikes. Perfect.). But, if your Candy Pocket is big enough, I don’t see why you couldn’t stock some well-wrapped chocolate, possibly of the Hershey’s Kiss variety.

And the idea, of course: emergency candy, right? No Candy Pocket? Fuck. I don’t even want to think about that. No, at this point, Candy Pocket is non-negotiable, like tooth-brushing or seat belts. But you have to pace yourself, or you’ll end up like me this morning. Ten a.m. and out of candy. Ridiculous.

And if you work with me, and see me eating Candy from my Pocket, you’re probably thinking "Son of a bitch! I wish I had some candy! I wish I was brave enough to ask that guy how to start my own CP!" Hey, relax. How you supposed to know if you don’t ask? And you might be nervous that, since I dig candy so much, I might not share. Well that’s just not true. You go ahead and reach in Candy Pocket any time you please.