Five Items.

Five items! Go!

1. A few weeks ago I got a voicemail that was just the sound of a can being opened, followed by "There: instant happiness." Yes, it's possible to give someone a Red Bull over the phone.

2. Larry, the Wolfboy who can't say "purple" is my favorite of all the fake people currently living in my head. If I'm walking around laughing to myself, I have Larry to thank.

3. I'm loving all the "He hates white people!" propaganda going around right now. Really? Less than a week to go and that's all you got? It's like you've been pulled over, and the cop is walking to your window, and you're wondering if you can slip a piece of gum in your mouth before he gets there. Shit you guys, WHERE'S YOUR GUM? WHAT'D YOU DO WITH YOUR GUM? IS THERE AN ALTOID IN YOUR COAT POCKET? THINK! THINK! IT'S ALMOST TUESDAY! HE'S ALMOST TO THE WINDOW! Love it.

4. Chocolate milk is so fucking delicious I just don't even know what to do about it. I want to comment on every single drink. Even half way through the bottle, I'm all "Son of a bitch! Chocolate milk is the fucking best!"

5. I saw five concerts in the month of October. November? Seven jugglers.